Hiding
by 16palindrome18
Summary: With the war over everyone must start to heal, whether their wounds are visible or not. With Hogwarts reopened Hermione, along with everyone else whose schooling was disrupted, returns for her last year in her home away from home. HP1-6 compliant. DM/HG
1. prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story. All of it belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Warnings:

*Rated T but might or might not change

*Hermione/Draco pairing

*Sensitive topics

*Is compatible with all books except the ending of DH epilogue mostly

*Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks are still alive.

Summary: The war has ended and now the Wizarding world is rebuilding itself. Hogwarts, after a summer of reconstruction, is open for new students also inviting those whose studies were disrupted by the war. There is no witch or wizard in Britain who was not scarred by the war, but there are those who were scarred so deep that it was hidden from loved ones so as to not make them suffer.

Prologue

Hermione Granger was sitting in a small bright room looking out the window. The sun had long since sunk and for now the many inhabitants of the house were silenced with sleep. Her thoughts were once again stuck in the recent past.

_ Panic flooded her body but she had learned long ago that mind over body was what mattered. Quickly she did the only thing possible and pointed her wand at Harry hoping it would be enough to buy them time. Someone grabbed her from behind and she struggled but to no effect._

"_Get off her!" Ron was yelling but that only made them turn on him. They punched him to the horror of Hermione and she saw him spit blood._

"_Stop! Stop!" she pleaded but it fell on deaf ears.

* * *

_ "_Crucio!" the pain was immediate and intense. She was no stranger to pain but this was something she had never imagined. It was like being prodded all over with white-hot needles. She dropped to all fours trying not to scream but after only a second her screams were echoing of the walls._

"_What else?!" she heard from as if from a distance and felt the pain increase. She soon collapsed writhing on the floor. Unconsciousness was creeping up on her and she struggled to fight of the curse. "ANSWER ME!" but she couldn't, the last thing she saw was a pair of scared silver eyes._

The sound of winds outside broke her out of her reverie. Quietly she walked away from the window and carefully climbed into bed so as to not wake the redheaded girl she was sharing it with. Turning on her side she soon fell asleep tracing the thin scar at her neck.

AN: I'm not sure how this story will be received but will post the next chapter after either 4 reviews or three days.

-A


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story. All of it belongs to J.K. Rowling. The plot just popped into my head while I was reading DH.

**Chapter 1**

Hermione awoke gasping for breathe. Her dreams had been once again on the horrors of the battle but this one had seemed different. For a start she couldn't remember it, just the overwhelming feeling of fear. Flashes of death eaters and the bright lights of curses the only thing she could recall.

Looking around the room she noticed that Ginny wasn't in bed and that it was nearly ten o'clock. Quickly, she got up and changed then went to the bathroom to clean up. When she finished she walked down the stairs and was greeted by a busy looking Mrs. Weasley.

"Good morning," Hermione greeted her. The kitchen was already bursting with homemade food, and freshly laundered clothes, with Mrs. Weasley in the middle of it.

"Oh, good morning deary. I see your up now, Ginny told me you were tossing and turning last night so I didn't want to wake you," her voice filled with motherly concern.

"I'm fine, it just took a while to fall asleep. Where is everyone?" Hermione had only just noticed the house was quiet. Even during mourning it had been relatively loud.

"Oh, I sent Harry, Ron, and Ginny to the Lovegoods inviting them to dinner. I don't think we'll have the time for a nice dinner anymore now that school is so near, which reminds me that your letter arrived. We'll be going to Diagon Alley tomorrow so make sure you know what you need. And then you'll be spending the last week with your parents" Mrs. Weasley started mumbling things that needed to get done to herself leaving Hermione. A habit she seemed to have acquired along with excessive mothering.

Hermione went to the counter and picked up her letter with less enthusiasm than previous years. Opening the envelope slowly she could remember the first time she received it, thinking it was a joke.

_ "Mum!" a short, bushy haired, eleven-year-old screamed. She was staring at a letter in her hands, her eyes wide. In her hands was a thick piece of paper with emerald green writing._

_ "Yes, Hermione?" said Jean Granger, out of breathe from running. "Is something wrong?"_

_ "Someone's sending us weird letters, look!" she gave the letter to her mother and waited impatiently for her mother to finish reading. "Well?"_

_ "It is quite unusual," was her mother's more than disappointing response._

_ "Mum, it was talking about wizards and witches and places that don't even exist! I've never heard of Hogwarts and there's no such thing as platform 9 ¾! I mean ¾, really?" Hermione was quite upset, she liked orderly things, and the thought of a race or even just a place that she didn't know was a troubling thought to her._

_ "Sweetie, just because you haven't heard of something doesn't mean it doesn't exist." Jean said patiently. "Now did you read the whole letter?" _

_ "No," Hermione said mulishly._

_ "Then here," her mother handed back the letter and sat down on the couch.  
_  
Dear Miss Hermione Jean Granger,

We are pleased to inform that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Pleased find enclosed list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,  
Minevra McGonagall  
Deputy Headmistress.

_Then below it:_

Miss Granger,

You are no doubt wondering as to the ludicrousness of this letter. Let me begin by explaining that you are a witch. A witch born from two muggle (ordinary) parents- muggleborn.

Now the wizarding world is in fact real but is kept hidden under the Statute of Secrecy, which explains why no muggle alive knows of may purchase the enclosed items at Diagon Alley which is located at the heart of London.

For exact locations you may find it on the parchment along with your school items list mentioned above.

If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to owl me.

Yours sincerely,  
Albus Dumbledore  
Headmaster.

_ Hermione's eyes were as wide as saucers by the time she was done reading. She looked up and saw her mother's amused expression._

_ "Is it true mum?" she asked, awed._

_ "Well there's no reason why it shouldn't be," her mother said, then sighed "I guess you wont be going to Saint Agatha's School for Young Ladies." Hermione could not help but grin at this, she had never wanted to go anyway.  
_  
Something wet fell onto the letter currently in her hand, surprising her. Hastily she wiped her eyes and tore open the envelope only to have a hard object fall on her toe. Swearing, she looked down, there shining up at her was a badge, but not the one she was expecting. It was the Head Girl's badge. She looked at in shock, having forgotten that she was likely to receive it.

"Are you okay deary?" Mrs. Weasley said from behind her. She was sure she looked ridiculous hopping on one leg.

"I'm fine," she said, dazed. "I think I just made head girl though,"

"Congratulations dear!" Mrs. Weasley said. "Oh I knew you would get it, how exciting it must be for you," Mrs. Weasley was starting to plan how best to celebrate the occasion saying it was perfect timing with the dinner. "It's a shame that Harry or Ron didn't get the Head Boy badge though,"

"They didn't?" Hermione asked, surprised. She had thought for sure one of them would have gotten it.

"No, but maybe it's for the best." Mrs. Weasley said. "after all they don't need anymore responsibilities." It seemed as if she had forgotten Hermione, indulging in her new habit. Hermione quietly slipped out of the room with her badge and letter, unreasonably angry.

_ 'after all they don't need anymore responsibilities' what does that mean? _Hermione thought,_ Wasn't I there with them? don't I deserve a break too?_ but as soon as she thought these things she started feeling guilty _Professor McGonagall and Mrs. Weasley probably didn't mean it that way_._ They probably thought this was what I wanted, I _do_ want it, _ she said and pushed her anger away.

* * *

"Hey 'Mione!" Harry and Ron said. It was dinner now and Hermione was ravenous, having skipped breakfast.

"Hello Harry, Ron," she greeted. Her mood was better now that she was surrounded by people to occupy her. Both boys took the seats next to her and started eating.

"We heard you made Head Girl," Harry said, as Ron nodded. "Congratulations! But we always knew you'd get." Hermione smiled and turned slightly pink, having always been uncomfortable with compliments.

The rest of lunch passed in talk of quidditch and the upcoming school year. They were all excited yet apprehensive, unsure how to proceed. It was the first time in Hogwarts history that it made all the students repeat a year and no one knew what to expect now that lives didn't hang in the balance. It would also be the first time Harry, Ron, and Hermione would come back, officially, after Dumbledore's death.

"Hermione?" Ron asked, from his tone it seemed like it wasn't the first time he had.

"Sorry. Yeah?"

"Do you think it will be different?" he asked

"Yes Ronald, of course it will be," she said loftily, then added in a softer voice "everything's changed now. But hopefully for the better," Ron and Harry had similar expressions of sadness, the sorrow in her voice was unmistakable. Silently Hermione berated herself,_ Sadness is the last thing we need_.

"It'll be okay," Ron said giving her a one armed hug. She fidgeted under it, trying not to let her discomfort show. She had broken things off with Ron a few weeks ago when grief had made it clear that her love for him, in that way, had died along with many others.

"I think I better see if your mum needs help," she said, worming her way out. Ron's ears turned pink.

"We'll help out too," said Harry, making Ron seem hopeful only to have him look peeved when she replied

"Oh, its alright. You don't need to." quickly, she walked away before they could offer anymore help. In the kitchen Hermione helped Mrs. Weasley carry more dishes outside.

"Thank you for the wonderful dinner," Hermione said.

"Oh, it was nothing deary," she replied. "Oh here comes Luna, would you go and open the door, dear?" Hermione handed her the dishes with a nod and opened the door to let Luna in.

"Hello Luna, you look bright" Hermione said, and she most certainly did dressed up in baby blue and sunflower yellow with a crown of daisies.

"Hello Hermione," she greeted in her dazed, dreamy voice. "I heard you made Head Girl, I knew you would."

"Thanks,"

"Yeah, that's why I'm wearing the daisies. Daddy said they attract pigmy pluums, they give off good luck you know."

"Uhm, pigmy pluums?" Hermione asked. That was a new oddity to her, no doubt some other type of fabrication from the Quibbler.

"Yes, they have tiny little ears, a bit like a hippo's only purple and hairy. Though if you want to call them you have to hum, preferably a waltz"*

"Oh, right. Pigmy pluums," Hermione said, deciding not to argue with Luna anymore. It saved her a few headaches at least. Walking into the kitchen now Luna said suddenly

"I think I see Ginny, I'll see you later," and abruptly walked off into the garden. The sky was turning dark now and outside lanterns had been lit over two tables. Though the window she could see everyone enjoying themselves while eating dinner. She turned away from the window to rejoin them for cake when she almost walked into Tonks.

"Wotcher 'Mione!" she said, laughing.

"Oh hello! I didn't notice you come in. How is everyone?" Tonks was one of those few people you just could not be downcast around.

"They're here too, Remus was just having Teddy calm down. They'll be here in a bit." as if on que the kitchen door swung open revealing a harassed yet happy looking Lupin and squiggling bundle with bright green hair.

"Professor!" Hermione said, surprised. He looked younger every time she saw him, no longer weighing a family as a burden made him seem like his real age.

He smiled ruefully at her. "It's been five years since I've been your professor, you know." Hermione smiled but didn't reply. Instead she walked over to see Teddy.

"And how are you?" she asked him. His deep eyes glittered, changing from a dark brown to light green. He laughed and started squirming even more. "oh my," Hermione said, smiling. _So lucky_, she thought._ To not be burdened, to be innocent of life's faults._

"We're starting to think green is his favourite colour, the little show off," Tonks said, picking him up. Carefully she set him on the floor where he proceeded to crawl around, inspecting every inch of the cramped kitchen. "Course I had hoped it might be something a bit more… well happier," she tugged a lock of her bubble gum pink hair as an explanation.

"Well I like green," Lupin said.

"Course you would," Tonks said, "just like a male to say pink isn't good enough."  
Hermione smiled.

"I think I hear Mrs. Weasley calling," she told them before Lupin could reply.

"We'd best not keep Molly waiting then," he said. Lupin bent to pick up Teddy, bouncing him to his delight.

* * *

It was close to midnight again, the 'party' having passed in a blur. Hermione's memory had changed from precise to barely there. Sometimes it remembered everything in minute detail and sometimes it seemed as if minutes or hours passed in what felt like seconds, only distant bits of what happened remaining. .

Trying to remember what had passed only hours ago she was frustrated that it was, at best, a blurry recollection. _Luna in her ridiculous blue and yellow colours… Remus and Tonks and Teddy, who had grabbed Hermione's leg once almost making her fall…Mrs. Weasley's large cake of chocolate and raspberries._ There was nothing concrete, substantial.

Shaking her head, she got down on her knees in front of her trunk and opened it, when she had found what she was looking for she got up and walked back to the window. Carefully she lifted the object in her hand and turned it around until it caught the light, no one knew she had it, if they had they would have never let her keep it- a short silver knife that held so many memories.**

"Hermione?" a sleepy voice asked from behind her.

"I'm sorry, Ginny, did I wake you?" she tucked the knife into her shirt before turning around. Ginny was half up, half awake, looking tousled.

"Oh, not really. I was just wondering if you would go to sleep soon. I don't think you've been getting enough--" she broke off with a long yawn.

"Don't worry about me," Hermione said walking back to her trunk, pretending to get some socks from her trunk as she slipped the knife in. "I never needed much sleep," she looked up to see Ginny already asleep and smiled slightly. Laying down, she stared at the ceiling, hoping tonight would be a dreamless night.

*found in DH, chapter 25, page 511  
** found in DH, chapter23, page 472

AN: you can all thank Umbridgeskitty for this chapter!

reviews/constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

I hope I'm not rushing everything.

-A

11-12-08


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story. All of it belongs to J.K. Rowling. The plot just popped into my head while I was reading DH.**

*****I would also like to warn you again that sensitive issues are being dealt in this story. If you don't like it, don't be rude, but please read the whole chapter before you click the backspace key.**

Chapter 2

"Hermione Mum says to wake up!" there was the sound of a crash down stairs before Ginny raced out the door.

"I'm up! I'm up!" she said and dressed quickly. The kitchen and living room was chaotic. No one was staying still for long; Mrs. Weasley trying to feed everyone, George and Ron arguing over the Chuddly Canons, Harry trying to chase Pig into his cage, and Ginny trying to find her sweater in the wash. It was all rather comical.

"Hermione, dear! Eat up!" Mrs. Weasley shoved two bacon sandwiches into her hand before trying to magically clean the kitchen before they left. Talking a bite out her sandwich, she went back upstairs to get her purse and school list. Once down stairs everyone lined up in front of the fireplace.

"Molly, I think I'll go first," Mr. Weasley said. "Then George, Ron, Harry, Ginny, Charlie, Hermione, then yourself."

"Alright, just stay put until I come out! We don't need to chase you around Diagon Alley, looking at god knows what,"

"Yes, dear," he said, resigned.

When they had all gone through the fire, Mrs. Weasley appeared. Taking out a rather large brush to brush all the soot from them.

"Is everyone alright? Not woozy or anything are you?" she asked. There were various murmurs of fines and yeahs. "Alright then, I think we should be in two groups now. Those of you who need new robes come with me and The rest will gather the books with your father." Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny went with Mrs. Weasley to Madam Malkin's while George and Charlie went with Mr. Weasley, with everyone's book lists, to Flourish and Blotts.

Everywhere Hermione looked there were signs of the war. Some of the lesser shops were still bored up, and piles of debris still lingered on the street. But she was happy to note that the ice cream shop was open again along with Olivander's wand shop. When they reached Madam Malkin's Mrs. Weasley ushered them inside like a hen with her chicks.

"What robes do you think you'd like Hermione?" Ginny asked from beside her. It was very exciting for Ginny this year because when her family had been granted an Order of Merlin it had also come with a hundred galleon bonus for Mr. Weasley.

"Just something plain, what are you getting?"

"Oh I don't know…" she said coyly, then gushed, "I haven't decided if I should get green or black or a pastel colour, what do you think?"

"Your hair goes nice with green," Hermione commented not really paying attention. Ginny walked right to the newer stylish ones bouncing like a kid in a candy store.

Hermione was still browsing the sales racks when the door opened and she heard Ron gasp. Quickly she looked up, drawing her wand, only to lower it again. Just inside the shop stood the Malfoys giving of their usual air of arrogance.

Madam Malkin, who had just finished adjusting Ron's robes, looked up and a worried look crossed her face, probably remembering the last time they were all in there, Hermione mused.

"He-l-llo, how may I help you?" she asked, magicking her sewing kit away.

"Were here to but my son and wife new dress robes," the senior Malfoy said. Hermione glanced at the lady Malfoy and was surprised to see her looking withdrawn. Almost as if she would rather not be there. Malfoy Jr, however, looked as if he _was_ not there.

"Of course, of course," Madam Malkin squeaked, and bade the young Malfoy onto the small platform. Hermione, still hidden from view, watched curiously as Madam Malkin took off his robe and came back with different ones of various colours. Hesitantly, Lady Malfoy selected a deep blue and black one, also asking for emerald stitching.

Hermione, though, was not focused on what they were saying but was rather transfixed by the young Malfoy's left arm. Right below the elbow hollow was a faint scar that looked as if someone had smashed a rock onto it creating a distorted mark upon his otherwise smooth skin. But she new it was where the dark mark used to reside and that if someone were to look at the senior Malfoy's left arm, there would be a similar mark. Hermione drew her gaze away up into his face and at first thought she was looking into a mirror. It seemed like her grief was echoed on his, her sleepless nights the dark half-moons under his eyes, her eyes hazel eyes that had seen too much his silver ones. Silver eyes that were looking at her as well.

With a start, Hermione bumped into the clothes behind her. Hesitantly, she chanced a look back at him, but instead of the anger she expected, he looked only mildly surprised, already retreating further into his mind. _Lucky cockroach_ Hermione thought with out her usual spite. Sighing, she walked over to where Harry, Ron, and Ginny stood in a little huddle.

"-- they have the nerve to walk outdoors!" Ron was saying in a furious whisper. Ginny made room for Hermione then added

"I wonder how many people tried to do them in while they were outside," her voice though, was curious rather than hostile.

"At least they don't look like they're enjoying themselves," Harry said. But Hermione was disappointed to note that he too, still had a small grudge against them, though a lot less than Ron's.

"Well _I _think we should just drop it," Hermione said. "Just don't go picking a fight; we don't need anymore of those." Ginny and Harry seemed a bit put out but Ron was outraged.

"But Mione!" Ron said, shocked. "How can you stick for them!"

"It's not about me sticking up for them Ronald!"

"Then explain what you're doing!"

"I jut don't want anymore petty fights,"

"So now we cant stick up for ourselves?"

"Who's even attacking you? We are in a clothes shop!"

"But you're saying to not fight back!"

"Who are you fighting back?!" Hermione said, her voice rising slightly, she hadn't felt this worked up in ages and it felt oddly satisfying.

"Well them of course! Have you forgotten about who those people supported? Who they helped in his killing and torturing?!" Ron was shouting now and Hermione could feel tears welling up.

"Of course I haven't!" she screamed back. "But you know it's because of Lady Malfoy that Harry's plan worked! Harry even testified for their safety! don't you dare say I don't remember!"--_ "Crucio!" "Please stop!" crack --_ her breathing was becoming heavy. "Your talking about past crimes Ronald!" _-- "You foul, loathsome, evil little-" --_ Open your eyes, are you really saying you have yet to forgive them? The war is over and please do not start another one, not when we our wounds are still fresh!"

"But Mione, what's to say they've changed? how do can you protect them! It was your type specifically that they were trying to exterminate!" _-- "evil little cockroach!" --_

"and what exactly is _my type?!_" she spat back.

"A mudbl- uggle born," there were gasps all around the room for Ron's slip, his eyes had gotten large and panicky.

"A mud_blood? _Is that what you were going to say?" Hermione willed herself to seem unaffected, suppressing her tears.

"That's not what I meant!" his voice had gone up an octave, his ears red.

"I think that's exactly what you meant. I am a 'filthy little mud blood' after all," she stared him right in the eyes knowing he was hurting from this almost as much as her, but for entirely different reasons. "I think I'll get the rest of my things alone," she said loftily to Mrs. Weasley. Mrs. Weasley looked on the verge of tears herself, but she nodded mutely. Turning away from Ron, she walked back at a controlled pace towards the door. In front of it stood a shocked Mr. Malfoy.

"Excuse me," she said politely. Warily, he stepped aside. As Hermione stepped out she glanced back and was held by a pair of silver eyes, mirroring her pain. She nodded in acknowledgement and closed the door quietly behind her.

* * *

Hermione was browsing the selections of Apothecary, dashing away any stray tears. Her basket was extremely heavy by now, Hermione stocking up on everything she had and might need for her NEWTs. But really just so that by the time she was done, she could go to Flourish and Blotts without fearing a run in. Carefully, Hermione set down a phial of salamander tongues pickled in dragon blood. She had read somewhere that it had twice the effect for newt based potions.

"All finished miss?" an old man asked as she set her basket down on the counter. He seemed kind and a bit too fragile to be around so many fatal ingredients.

"Yes, sir,"

"Well lets see, hmm… starting your seventh year I see…yes I had purchased this exact brand when I was you're age…oh essence of dittany?- yes very handy, though there's nothing like knowing the spell…hmm… well your total is… five galleons and two sickles."*

Hermione paid him, placing a mobiliarbus and shrinking charm on it.

"Have a nice day," he said, and she gave him a trembling smile.

She quickly made her way towards Flourish and Blotts, with her things trailing behind her, the sun's position well past midday. It was only when she stepped into the shop that she remembered she had given her list to Charlie.

"Damn it," she cursed and went looking for the little wizard at the counter.

"Hello, how may I help you?" he asked. she hesitated before answering, sure he would think her incompetent.

"I've lost my book list earlier, I was wondering if you might know what NEWT students would need?" he laughed airily before replying,

"You wouldn't by any chance be Hermione Granger would you?" she smiled slightly and nodded. He reached under the counter and pulled out a large stack of books.

"A young man came in earlier saying to a double of everything on his list then told me to give this to you when you came in." he gave her a folded piece of parchment.

_H. Granger--_

_I thought you'd like your books. It didn't seem like you were going to get them anytime soon after that major scene you and Weasel-face made. _

_I'm assuming we have the same classes since I'm head boy and you're obviously head girl._

_Pay for them yourself, I'm not gonna make you a charity case_

_--D. Malfoy_

Hermione laughed and reached for her purse. Looking over the books she saw that he was indeed correct about having all the same classes.

"So how much are the books?" she asked the little wizard.

"That'll be ten galleons and four sickles," he told her. She handed them over and placed a shrinking charm on them before carefully stacking it in her bag behind her.

"Thank you," she said to him.

"You have a nice day now," he said. She nodded and went into the leaky cauldron ordering a butterbeer before her bus home.

* * *

"Hermione sweetie!" Jean Granger greeted her. She had Hermione's same hazel eyes, small nose, and dark brown hair- though being middle aged seemed to make it much more manageable. But there were other things about her that didn't go unnoticed by Hermione, her frame was smaller-thin, and there were more wrinkles on her face than she remembered . It had been months since her last visit, and even that was just a fleeting reunion before she had to step back into the wizarding world.

"Hello, mum!" she said thickly.

"Oh well, come in, come in." Hermione stepped in a nice two story brick house. It was old fashion with a Victorian feel located near the edge of London.

"How are you, mum? Is everything with the dentistry all right?" Hermione still felt guilty about making them move to Australia.

"Oh, were fine! Reopened our private dental office again. Most of our clients have even come back!" she was fussing over Hermione's lack of luggage and Hermione decided she liked the feeling of her mother being well motherly with her. "Just wait for your dad to come home! He'll be so excited! Oh, I've got to check on the chicken. Come on!" Hermione trailed her mother into the kitchen at the back. Everything looked the same as when she had left it during her school years. It was a nice thought to think the death eaters had overlooked this place. Just then the front door opened. There was the sound of things being put away before

"Mmm! Something smells good!" she heard her father boom from the hall. "I just finished fixing a little boy's braces. I've told him time after time not to chew gum and what does he do? Got a big wad stuck all around the wiring it took over an hour to-- Hermione!" he yelled, shocked.

"Daddy!" she yelled and went hug him. He squeezed her back and said

"If I knew you were here I would have come home sooner! How are you? Is everything alright?" he seemed to be bouncing on the balls of feet, ecstatic. He was a compact man, slightly taller than her five-foot seven, with brown curly hair.

"I'm fine, I'm fine! How are _you?_"

"Oh you know me! Just give me a book and I'm good,"

"Sounds like someone else I know," her mother teased her. Hermione gave a small smile.

"I missed you both," she told them.

"we missed you too," her father said gruffly. He was more of a scholar man who preferred to read rather than express his emotions.

Hermione smiled and told them she would set the table that night.

* * *

Laying in her room, she reflected on how ordinary it looked. From the queen sized bed to the soft squash gold walls and lavender linings. Even her book shelves full of science and history texts were still there.

Flipping onto her stomach she toyed with her wand and bit her lip. She didn't want to go back to the Burrow but she needed her things. There was a spell that would possibly work but there were two reasons she didnt want to use it. One- it was an illegal, unregistered spell. Two- she had made it. It was similar to the accio charm but instead of making it zoom through the air, it sort of disaperated the object. Deciding she had no choice and that there was no reason it would work on apples but not luggage, she cast a silencing spell around her before she waved her wand in a vertical spiral and said in her mind _Apscio. _

A noise like a gun shot sounded and after a puff of chalky smoke disappeared, she saw that her luggage was on the floor. Surprised that it had worked, she opened it to make sure every thing was alright. It was still neat and orderly, just how she had left it last night. The only thing out of pace was a silver knife. . ._Stop or she dies!...there was cool pressure at her neck, but her mind was to fuzzy to comprehend anything then._

She picked it up and turned on her bedside lamp. The blade was still as clean as the first time she saw it, first time she _felt_ it. No matter how many times she threw it at the wall or stomped on it, it was still clean, shiny, sharp. There was something dark about it though- it never let any cuts heal the magical way. _Probably a torture instrument_, Hermione thought. With the thought, however, the day's events unraveled in her mind, clear as day. There was a bitter taste to her memories, it cut at her like the knife did, and still does when she sleeps. _I'm so weak_, she thought bitterly. _I'll make myself stronger._

Delicately she held the knife over her arm, pressing down lightly. A thin trail of red beads appeared both frightening and exhilarating to her. The pain was acute, then dull, like a shot from a muggle doctor. Breathing deeply, she watched the red beads roll to the floor, not making a sound. _Stronger_

_

* * *

_

* * *

*if your like me and like knowing everything the prices are as follows:

Galleon- 5 pounds or $9.75

Sickle- .29 pounds or $0.57

Knut- .01 pounds or $0.02

A/N: so tell me what'cha think! i really hope I'm not confusing anyone.

reviews are greatly apreciated!

hope you liked it.

-A

11-14-08


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story. All of it belongs to J.K. Rowling. The plot just popped into my head while I was reading DH.**

**Chapter 3**

It was just over an hour before eleven o'clock and Hermione was still not up yet.

"Hermione sweetie! The taxi's going to be here in just twenty minutes!" her mother was shaking her daughter awake, something that did not happen very often since Hermione was usually up before her. Hermione shot out of bed when she heard her mother though.

"Oh no! how did I oversleep?" she was rushing through her morning routine, but stopped when she pulled her sweater over her head. She had caught sight of a single, long, thin scar on her left arm. _So red…the small beads trailed down her arm gathering in a small puddle in her palm. The pain was bearable, nothing too bad, but it still hurt. She stayed silent, a sound meaning weakness… _shaking her head, she pulled on her trainers with five minutes to spare.

"Do you want some breakfast?" her mother asked her. It was Sunday so her father was at the office. "Toast? Maybe some bacon?"

"I'm fine mum, I'll just get something on the way." Hermione placed a shrinking charm on her luggage so that they resembled briefcases.

"Alright sweetie, remember to have some fun this year-- its your last year, after all! But don't forget your studies-- oh I think I see the taxi." her mother gave her a last hug and kiss before helping her daughter carry her stuff out.

"'Bye mum, I'll miss you." she gave her mother a last hug.

"We'll miss you too, don't forget that your coming home for the Easter holidays." Hermione was already in the backseat, leaning out the window. "We love you,"

"Love you too mum!" Hermione yelled over the engine before the cab lurched to a start.

* * *

Hermione had stowed her luggage in heads compartment twenty minutes till, and was now searching for a familiar face, mainly Harry and Ginny. But everyone around her seemed to be lower classmen and she only saw a handful of people in her year. Sighing, she went back to her compartment and found Draco sitting inside. He seemed to be reading but if you looked at his eyes, you would see how they never moved.

"Hello, Malfoy," Hermione greeted him. It surprised her that she didn't need much effort to be civil, in fact she felt particularly at ease.

"Hello Granger," he replied. His voice was as flat as his eyes had been, with the exchange over, he returned to his book and turned a page. Hermione thought that his behavior was a bit…despairing, but didn't judge him. Everyone was different.

Sitting down opposite him, she took a book out of her pocket, returning it to its normal size. Opening it, she tuned out her surrounding so she could immerse fully immerse herself. But when she felt the train jolt forward, she closed her book and looked over at Malfoy. He had yet to turn a page.

"Malfoy," she said, hesitant.

"Hmm?"

"We need to greet the prefects." she stood up to make her point. He stood up to, looking a bit resigned.

"Oh, right." he walked out the door to the compartment across, then opened the door for Hermione to go first.

"Thanks," she said before entering

"Yeah,"

Inside, the compartment was filled, on the half of it near the window were most of the prefects. Ravenclaw with Luna Lovegood and Micheal Corner, Hufflepuff with Hannah Abbot and Justin Finchfletchy, and Gryffindor with Ron and Ginny. Hermione tried not to look at him. On the other half sat Pansy Parkinson, who looked like she had just swallowed a lemon, and Blaise Zambini, who looked like he didn't particularly care.

"Hello everyone," Hermione greeted them, trying to smile a bit.

"Hey Mione," Ginny said. She smiled at her before continuing.

"Welcome back, and congrats on making prefects. Your job as a prefect is to make sure there are no fights near you, otherwise you report them. Each of you will patrol the corridors at different times through the year, but for now you'll just be walking up and down the aisles. Any questions?" no one raised a hand and so she gave them the passwords to each of their common rooms and the bathroom.

"Alright then, for the next hour Ravenclaws will be patrolling, then Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Slytherin. Then repeat. I hope you have a nice ride, and if there are anymore questions, the Head's compartment is just across from here. Have I missed anything Malfoy?" He had been unnervingly quiet, but all he did was shake his head and stare at her, or maybe through her. She shivered at the thought. Luna and Micheal were the first to leave, followed by Zambini and Parkinson. The Hufflepuff stayed while Ginny went up to hug Hermione.

"How are you?" she asked, "you haven't replied to any of my owls, I was so worried!"

"Oh, sorry, I was busy. My parents wanted to spend a lot of time with me so they took the whole week off." It was partially true, she was with her parents, but they had not necessarily taken the week off; she just hadn't didn't felt like dealing with anything. She had felt happy during that week, keeping her magic to a minimum and helped around the house, embracing normalness.

"Well I'm glad you had fun, are you coming to sit with us?" there was a pleading note in her question, Hermione could tell she was thinking of what happened in Madam Malkin's.

"Sorry, Ginny," she said, trying to sound like she was "I have to stay in the Head's compartment for the whole ride." out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Malfoy shift in his seat.

"Alright," Ginny said, disappointed. She gave Hermione's shoulder a squeeze and walked out.

"Mione?" Ron asked. He looked both flustered and ashamed.

"Yes?" she sighed.

"I just wanted you to know I really am sorry I said- that I said… well that I said you-know-what." he was talking to her shoes at this point.

"I know you are, Ronald," she said. He looked up, hopeful. "But i haven't forgot what you said,"

"But it just slipped," he said feebly

"and what's more important? That you planned to say it or that it is what your unconscious mind says of me? Don't worry, I'm not mad at you anymore, just… well… lets just try not to be too awkward around each other, okay?" she tried to look reassuring and he smiled at her. Malfoy had gotten up by now and returned to their compartment.

"Alright, I guess I'll see you later?"

"Yeah," he walked down the hall and Hermione could see another redhead that was waiting in the shadows.

Getting up she went back to the Head's compartment, sitting down with an undignified plop, she put her head in her hands. She could see Malfoy sitting opposite her, but not only that, she could feel his eyes on her. "Yes?" she asked him

"Why did you lie?" he asked her. She looked up at him and smiled ruefully. He blinked a bit but still held her gaze. His eyes, that had seemed distant were alive for what seemed like the first time. _Pretty, _she thought.

"I just didn't want to deal with them for now, why aren't you with _your_ friends?"

"Same," he answered. He was still looking at her, questioningly. "How can you forgive?" he finally asked.

"Pardon?" she asked, confused.

"How can you forgive him? You looked so…sad or maybe mad, when he said that. How do you forgive someone who makes you feel like that?" she sat up straighter before she replied.

"Because he has been my friend for seven years, I yelled at him for keeping a grudge that was long passed. How much of a hypocrite would I be if I did the same toward him over a loose word?"

"So you did that because it was right? If you were still mad and hurt, would you still have done that?"

"I did that because I wanted to. I _am_ hurt, but he doesnt need to know that, why cant we just forgive without forgetting?"

"Because its the ones who forgive who suffer," he said, he said it with such finality she was almost afraid. "Its the ones who lift the burden of another that suffers because they'll never forget, while the forgiven can forget because you had taken their burden away."

"Thats not true!" she said, her blood rising out of passion. "Forgiving is always best, unless your strength to forgive is not there, but as long as your alive you _have_ enough strength."

"So you feel no animosity toward me? When I used to call you that for years?"

"No, the fact that we are talking right now, of _past_ hostilities is proof we can live together without the terror of war and bloodshed." he still looked at her incredulous.

"But how can you forgive me? How can you _not_ blame me, it was, after all, my fault that Dumbledore's dead." his voice was bitter now, but Hermione could hear the remorse he felt.

"Draco," she said, the name funny on her tongue. He jerked his head up, looking her straight in the eyes his fierce gaze had the same sharpe edge and glittering quality that diamonds had. "Draco, it was not your fault he died, choices were made from a place above yours. Think of us as pawns in this elaborate game. There were two people out of all of this that you can rightfully blame, but what is the use?" he seemed unsure, but before he could reply, the lady with the trolley came.

"Anything from the trolley dears?"

Hermione bought some chocolate frogs, and pumpkin pasties. When she walked back inside, Draco had disappeared within himself again, and for the first time, Hermione wondered if that was indeed a good thing.

* * *

The Great Hall was alive once more, there wasn't a single thing that showed that a battle had taken place only a few months ago. Well other than the unnatural cleanliness that comes with new things.

"The place looks wonderful," Harry commented from beside her. She nodded her head in agreement before looking at the staff table once more. Professor McGonagall was Headmistress of the school so Andromdea Tonks was the new Transfiguration professor. It was startling, her resemblance to Bellatrix, but she had a kind yet stern face, similar to McGonagall's. Hermione briefly wondered if it came with the job. Next to Andromdea, was the biggest shock of the night. Remus Lupin had returned to once again become their DADA professor. There had been a roar of applause when it was announced and even some Slytherins smiled.

Hermione's gaze shifted toward Draco with the thougt of Slytherins. He was surrounded by his old friends, Crabbe, though, was absent from the whole table. _Good riddance, the back-stabbing oaf_ she thought. Draco looked like he wasn't there again, everyone who had tried to engage him in conversation had failed to get more than a few words in reply. While looking at him, her thoughts wandered once again into the past

_"Harry? are you talking to someone?" she heard Ron say.  
_

_Hermione started to quicken her pace as she heard someone snarl._

_"I don't take orders from you, _Malfoy!_" she heard a bang and started running now. As soon as she reached Harry, she saw Malfoy, cowering from Crabbe, and Goyle, unconsious. She aimed her wand at Crabbe but was blasted off her feet._

_"Don't kill him! Don't kill him!" she heard someone yell. . ._

"Mione? You alright?" Harry asked, from next to her.

"Yeah," she breathed. Blinking, she came back to the present. Draco was looking at her now, but as soon as she turned her head to make sure he was just looking at his plate, his expression dazed.

_Is this what healing is like?_ she wondered.

A/N: well I hope you liked it.

Remember that reviews are greatly appreciated

-A

11-16-08


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story. All of it belongs to J.K. Rowling. The plot just popped into my head while I was reading DH.**

Chapter 4

Over a month had passed since the start of term, and for the most part, everything was the same as always. The only difference was that teachers tried too hard to mix the houses and that points weren't given anymore.

Hermione woke up to another gloomy day as the end of October chill settled over the grounds. Slowly, she got up and made her bed and got ready for the day. Stepping into the Head's adjoining common room, she spotted Draco asleep on the sofa.

Curious, since he was always up before her, she walked over to him. He looked troubled, a slight sheen of sweat upon his brow. She poked his shoulder to wake him, but as soon as she touched him, his eyes snapped open.

His eyes looked crazed, his pupils were dilated and the bit of his irises that you could see were a ghostly silver.

"What?" he asked, hoarse. "Mother? Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

Hermione was worried now, he didn't seem to be in the right stated of mind.

"Draco? Its me, Hermione." he blinked a bit and shook his head.

"Hermione? Oh… it was only a dream," he got up and steadied himself on the sofa rubbing his eyes.

"Are you alright? Would you like to see madam Pompfrey?"

"No, no, I'm fine, just a dream…" he started walking toward the other side of the room and Hermione stared at him for a seond before heading back toward the entrace to the common room.

"Hermione?" she turned around to face him

"Yes?"

He hesitated for a second, "Thank you," he shut his door, leaving Hermione thoughtful.

* * *

"Hey, Mione," Harry and Ginny said as she sat down. She nodded at them before taking one her text books out. Finding an empty jug, she leaned her book on it and started eating a muffin as she read. Two chapters later, Harry tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yeah?" she asked, marking her page.

"Mione, you know that were your friends right? Friends that would help you no matter what?" his tone was serious and Hermione looked over to Ginny who was trapped in conversation with Lavender, then Ron who was sitting a few seats away.

"Yes, I think so," she felt the air around her become heavy with unspoken sadness.

"Then can you please tell me what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mione, you're not answering questions in class, you practically live in the library now, you never really talk to us anymore, and your losing weight. Now if you're going to tell me everything is just daisies and sunshine- don't. You know as much as I that its not," her heart had sped up as he had been talking but she ignored it.

"Daisies and sunshine? Really Harry, nothing's wrong, a bit stress out, but what can you expect with being Head girl? And don't forget I'm taking more classes than everyone, well except for Draco." she gave him one of her fake smiles that were as perfect as porcelain. He raised his eyebrows at the mention of Draco, but sill looked doubtful.

"Hermione, just make sure you tell me when you're ready okay?"

"Nothing's wrong Harry, but fine, I'll tell you if something is wrong in the future. Alright?"

"Alright," Hermione got up, packing her things. "I'm going to go to potions now, were going to be brewing Faux Tears, remember?" she walked out of the great hall, ignoring another curious pair of eyes.

"Today class, we will be brewing Faux Tears! Can anyone tell me what the this potion does?" Prof. Slughorn looked around the class, hopeful. There were only eight students in the class and no one was very inclined to participate.

"No one? Well, how about you miss Granger?"

"The Faux Tears," she said quietly, "Is used to help people who have a suppressed memory. Mostly those in therapy. It loosens the mind so that the person can 'cleanse' themselves of mental pain. However, if too much is given mental pain can turn physical, making them die from internal bleeding." Most of the students looked queasy but Prof. Slughorn didn't seem to notice.

"Well said miss Granger!" he said. "Now since it is very dangerous I want us all to be working in pairs. When you have finished, you will show me your work, then I will give the ones with the best potion one dose each." Hermione could see the people around her shift, looking for a partner. "Alright, everyone, get started."

Someone tapped her shoulder softly, and Hermione turned around.

"Can I be your partner?" Draco asked her, to everyone's shock. They had gotten along slightly, on an unspoken truce, but she had never thought he would try to actually approach her.

"Yeah, of course," she said. "I'll just get the ingredients, can you start the fire?" he nodded to her and started to light one of the glass bottom cauldrons.

"So you're working with Malfoy?" Harry asked her as they waited in line so they could collect ingredients.

"Yeah," she replied, trying to stop the curious stares she getting.

"Oh, okay. Just wanted to know when you two started getting along," he said, trying to sound offhand, but Hermione could tell he was mad with not being able to be her partner.

"Draco isn't all bad, Harry. I thought you'd know that by now,"

The process was slow and delicate, and Hermione was glad to have Draco as a partner. He was quiet but he knew what to do.

About one hour into the brewing, Hermione saw sparks come off Harry and Ernie McMallin's cauldron, and then after another half, she saw a pair of Ravenclaws' boil over.

"Time's up!" Prof. Slughorn boomed. Hermione set down the ladle, satisfied as Draco took it off the fire to cool. "let's see here…hmm, boiled over I see, you must've added too much licorice sap…sparks? That means you never added the crushed sunflower petals…this one looks passable, a bit more blue than opaque really- Oh what do we have here?" he had finally reached Hermione and Draco's potion and a yell of delight issued from him. "A perfect potion! Really!- you even got that sheen in it, well done you two!" Hermione smiled politely and Draco nodded. "As promised, you both get one dose of Faux Tears, now be cautioned. It really only helps with things like a little heartache or bad dreams." The bell rang, and Slughorn magicked away the potions, except for the two phials he had. "Have a nice day everyone!" he called to their backs.

"Well, that was fun," Harry commented as they headed off to charms. Hermione gave him a shrug in response because Draco was just a few feet ahead. "I mean, I just never would have thought to see you two get along," Harry persisted.

"I told you Harry," she sighed, "we've been getting along pretty well since the start of term. Why don't you try to, too?" Harry laughed and shook his head.

"As long as were in the same room and not fighting is progress enough," he told her.

"Fine, be that way," she huffed.

"Awe, Hermione you know that's true,"

"What's true?" Ron asked, startling Hermione. Ron had the least classes of the three so they only really spent time together in charms, transfiguration, and DADA.

"Nothing," Hermione said, and sped up a little.

The day passed quickly after the incident in potions and soon it was already midnight. Hermione, though, was still up completing a charms essay due in two weeks. When the clock stuck the half-past she set her quill down, stretching. Looking out the common room window, she could see the start of rain. It was soft and calming but she knew from past experience it would turn into a storm in less than an hour. Turning away, she gathered her things.

"So are you finally finished?" Hermione turned around with her arms full, looking at Draco.

"Hello to you too," she said, then yawned.

"You know you work too much," he told her. Hermione stared at his eyes, trying to determine if she should take him seriously. They were as clear as when they were in the train.

"Well you work too little,"

"No, if I'm passing then I'm working just right."

"So you're fine with going through life with an Acceptable and nothing more?"

"If it means I'm living to my satisfaction then yes, but your not doing that." he pointed an accusatory finger at her, to her slight amusement.

"Oh really? Then what exactly am I doing? I like work, there's nothing wrong with that,"

"Its wrong when you use it like a drug," he said, whispering. Hermione thought he was acting a bit drunk but the clarity of his eyes seemed intent on drilling holes into her. "Its wrong when you use it to avoid sleep. I hear you sometimes you know?"

"Know what?" her heart was beating faster and she was sure he could hear it as well as she could.

"At first I thought it was me…only after a while I'd realize I was already awake and my mouth was closed so how could I be the one screaming? Then there was that one time… You know when don't you?" he had gotten closer and was only a few feet in front of her now, his gaze fierce.

"No," she said defiantly. But she did, it was one of her only memories she had of the school year so far.

_The bathroom looked so pristine with its glossy white marble and silver accents. The only thing that marred the beauty of the room was a little figure, huddled next to the sink, and the little puddle of blood in front of her._

_She was leaning in front of the sink, her forehead resting against the window as she breathed deeply. She was staring at her arms, her face showing the tortured feelings she would never voice. On her arms were small faded white lines and two, rather large, open wounds, they had stopped bleeding a few minutes and was now already repairing itself, one of the human body's many miracles. _

_Ron's hand on her wrist kept coming back to her. it had been earlier that day and they everyone waned to know why she was acting so left out._

_"I'm just a bit tired," she told them, time after time again, but Ron had noticed something on her arm and was trying to push her sleeves up._

_"Stop it Ronald!" she screeched. _

_"Whats that thing on your arm?" he asked her, worried. But she didnt noticed his worry, just the way her fear had spiked when he touched her_

_"My arm was hurting from writing a lot last night, its probably the trace of the healing ointment." Her lies had been smooth and effortless, and it hurt her to acknowledge that._

_"It looked more like you had some cuts there, like the line on your neck," he just wouldn't let it drop._

_"Ron! that's disgusting! why would i be cutting myslef?"_

_"I didn't mean it to sound like that! i just meant is someone hurting you?" _

_"No one can hurt me, what reason could they ever have?"_

_"But I saw cuts! Are you saying you did them?"_

_"I already told you that's disgusting," she said and flounced off. The word disgusting still on her mind.  
_

_Slowly, she stood up and picked up a silver knife laying in the sink. She staggered to the door on the left and closed the door before collapsing on her bed._

"I think you do," Draco said, "I know for a fact you were thinking it, right now even," he waited for her to reply.

"What do you want?" she finally asked. He blinked in surprise.

"Me? Nothing, at least nothing for me. But I do want you to stop lying to yourself and admit your not as perfect as everyone believes, that in fact, you're as screwed up as the rest of us."

"I'm not pretending to be anything!" she protested. He squinted at her long and hard before he smirked that oh so familiar smirk.

"Oh, of course not. Your just being strong, is that it?" Hermione jerked back, as if he had slapped her. "Struck a nerve, did I? I know what your doing, _Hermione,"_

"And how would you know anything?" she asked furiously.

"Cause no one is never alone, and neither are you," he said.

"Are you saying…" she said, shocked.

"That I know what its like to want to hurt yourself, to relieve moments that seem too horrible to be real memories? I guess you could say that maybe were not two peas in a pod but were alike, you and me," he looked at her, searching. The reason why, lost on her. At last, he nodded to her and stepped back a bit.

"Just remember what I said," he told her, she backed toward her room, not entirely sure what to say.

"Thank you?" she said.

"For what?" he countered. "Sweet dreams, Hermione,"

"Good night," she said, he nodded and retreated into his room.

Hermione stared at her window as the furious bullets of rain soothed her to a dreamless sleep.

A/N: well i hope you liked it.

i know my dialogue sucks and i'm really sorry.

tell me what you think! (that means please review =)

-A

PS: I'll be out of town and busy for a few days so my next update will be sometime next week.

11-19-08


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story. All of it belongs to J.K. Rowling. The plot just popped into my head while I was reading DH.**

Chapter 5

The sky was a dreary gray when Hermione walked into the Great Hall. Most of the students had already headed off to class but she had woken up late. Hurriedly picking up a bagel and spreading some butter on it, she walked out into the fog and headed off to herbology.

"Good morning Mione," Neville said as she stopped walking. She nodded to him before continuing to eat her bagel. "Professor Sprout isn't here yet," he informed her, "I think she said something about biblius bogs, I was wondering if she was going to make us clean our wands. Did you know its one of the few acid like plants that wont react with being exposed to magic?"

Hermione did know that but decided not to say. Herbology was the only class he ever had any confidence in.

"Well there's professor Sprout now," He said, as she came huffing with her arms full of what looked like pretty yellow balls. "I'll talk to you later Hermione,"

"Alright," she said.

She walked in and sat down off to the back corner and started getting ready for class.

"Good morning, Hermione" Draco said from behind her. She turned as he pulled out the chair next to her. She gave him a jerky nod and looked forward, wishing for professor Sprout to start.

"That's not exactly polite," he said. She didn't understand him, for most of the year he had been vacant, and now he was almost his old self except ,of course, when he had paired up with her and said they were alike yesterday.

"Morning," she said. And started to reread Plants and Magical Workings.

"Alright, then I'll start. How are you Draco?" he asked himself, "I'm fine thank you for asking Hermione, how are you?" he probably thought it was funny, but to her it was just aggravating.

"I'm fine, so do shut up… please"

"Then would you mine helping me in my classes?" he asked her.

"What?" she asked, sure she had misheard.

"You know, tutor me? I want to raise my grades," he seemed unnaturally buoyant at this.

"I thought you didn't care if you stayed at acceptable?" she asked.

"No, I said living to my satisfaction, and lately I'm just not satisfied with my grades,"

"And when did this change of mind happen?"

"I don't really care when, and neither should you. Now will you help me?"

Hermione tried thinking of why she shouldn't but couldn't.

"Yeah, I'll help you."

"Good, now lets pay attention to class, shall we?"

Hermione turned around and saw professor sprout had already started talking about the lesson. Flustered, Hermione started scribbling furiously on bublius bogs for the rest of the period.

After herbology she went to charms and then DADA, where she met up with Harry and Ron.

"Hey guys,"

"Hey Mione," they chorused.

"did you finish the essay for transfiguration yet?" Harry asked.

"Of course she has, she's Hermione," Ron laughed. She shot him a rueful look that made him shut up.

"Yes, why?" she answered.

"Could you help me on it later?"

"I'm sorry Harry, I have patrol duty for the rest of the week."

"Oh," he said, deflating slightly. "Its alright then, do you any books that I can use for it?"

"Try The Art of Cold Transfiguration. I really am sorry I cant help you,"

"S'okay," just then Professor Lupin walked in. he didn't look nearly as shabby as he did five years ago, though he still had the air of it.

"Settle down, settle down," he called out, "Today we will be studying capfintors, can anyone tell me what they are?" no one raised their hand, as usual.

"Alright then, Harry! Can you tell us what they are?"

"Erm, they like the dark…" everyone laughed.

"Yes, they do like the dark," Lupin said ruefully, "But considering that it is a dark arts creature I was hoping someone might know anything a bit more specific? How about you Draco?" Hermione turned in her seat, she had forgotten he had this class as well.

"Capfintors are selfish creatures." he said strongly. "They prey on small animals like squirrels and gophers and are usually only seen in the Ireland bogs. They're small, have short dark blue hair, with bright child like eyes."

"Precisely, now before I teach you how to handle it, I would like everyone to take notes on their weakness for the rest of the period. Tomorrow, we will start practical lessons." the class groaned at the thought of reading, but got to it right away.

* * *

It was hours after dinner when Hermione headed towards the kitchen. She had just come from the library and was starving. On her way there, she was distinctly aware of the empty halls, a sign that curfew was near.

She tickled the pear and stepped inside, immediately surrounded by waist high elves.

"Hello miss, how may we assist you?" a bright eyed female asked, practically bouncing on her feet.

"Hello Pokey," Hermione greeted, "can I just have some leftovers please?" she had given up on her SPEW ideas, deciding the wizarding world needed time before more change was to be brought.

"Yes, yes, miss! Right away!" Pokey scurried away and came back almost immediately with a tray of steak slices wedged in between enormous pieces of bread.

"Thanks," Hermione told her. Pokey beamed, delighted.

"No need, no need! Pokey happy to serve," she said as Hermione walked into the hall.

"Why don't you ever eat in the great hall?" someone asked from the shadows. Hermione turned around, her wand out and ready.

Draco stepped out of an alcove, his arms up.

"No need for that," he said calmly. Hermione eyed him warily but put her wand away.

"So why are you here?" she asked him, walking down the hall.

"I was just wandering around," he said, keeping step with her.

"Then I guess you wont be coming back to the common rooms?" she asked, hopeful.

"No, I think I'm done with wandering." he said. She frowned but decided to keep silent and finish her sandwich. They had gone up four flights of stairs before Draco broke the silence.

"You know what I said yesterday?" he asked softly.

"Yeah?" she said, every word he had said was forever etched in her mind. _I know what its like to want to hurt yourself…_

"But did you think about it, at all?" he asked.

"Of course I had thought about it,"

"Then is your answer yes, or no?"

"I wasn't aware you had asked me anything," she said.

"Well you know there was a point to it. They weren't just pretty words," his voice was firm and quiet, the walls echoing their footsteps.

"I wouldn't call you speech pretty, malicious maybe, but not pretty," _Your just being strong, is that it?…_

"I needed you to know," he said.

"Know what? That we're alike?" she asked, venomous, "Did you really need the dramatic scene?"

"What type of person do you think I am? I wasn't about to know on your door and ask to be your friend,"

"You want to be my _friend?_" she asked shocked, he gave her an angry glare.

"See what I mean? You cant even comprehend me and friend in the same sentence. My question was do you accept me?" his voice was barely above a whisper by now, they had stopped walking and was standing face to face.

"How was everything you said a way to seek acceptance?" Hermione asked him, he was confusing her greatly. "What are you playing at? A few days ago, it seemed like the only thing you were aware of was the passing of night and day! Now you're constantly changing," he gave her a calculating look

"At first I didn't care what went on around me." he began reluctantly. "Then you caught my attention, I watched you when I could. I saw how you lied, saw how you distanced yourself. I saw how you had _changed. _I was…"

He was scaring her more than ever. He had gone from calm to fierce to distant and now she feared his insanity. And though the thought was horrible, she couldn't help but think insanity might just be an improvement.

"I don't understand," she said quietly. His eyes darkened, and Hermione stepped back. Noticing this, he stepped back as well, closing his eyes and pulling his hair.

"I just want you to know you don't need to pretend. And if you wanted to, we could try expanding our truce," he hadn't opened his eyes yet which gave her the chance to study him.

He still had the dark half-moons under his eyes like the first day she saw him, in fact, he looked the same as ever. The only difference was his eyes, his expression. He seemed _alive_.

"But I'm not pretending," she told him. His eyes snapped open at that.

"Don't you dare say that and think it's the truth! You know its not, it'll end up killing you if try too hard to make it true. Cant you just say the damn truth for once!"

"Why do you care?" she screamed at him, she was hugging herself, shielding herself from his words.

"Why do you think?! For some stupid reason you're always in my mind, I'm constantly on edge around you, I worry more for you than for anyone outside my family. What do you think all that means? I care about you! Are you satisfied now? I care because its you!" he was breathing hard and at the end he collapsed against the wall. Hermione was leaning against the wall across from him, tears streaming down her face.

"But you shouldn't," she told him, when her throat cleared.

"How can you say that?" he asked, his voice choked.

"It just doesn't make sense. Please don't do this…I just need to be able to live without all these... these complications…please,"

"Complications? Feelings are not complications!" his voice was hoarse and quiet but it still echoed.

"But how can you, how can _anyone_ feel anything toward me? You know how broken I am, as you've pointed out. No one deserves to have to deal with this,"

"If this means you then I will. I'm not asking for your undying love, not even for you like me. I just need you to say you'll accept me, and my help." he stood in front of her now, albeit shakily. She looked up at him and stared long and hard.

His jaw was hard, his forehead creased, his hair matted and sweaty. But his eyes were silvery and determined. She decided she had had enough of this weird game.

"Fine," she said. "Just please stop with these episodes," he gave a laugh that bordered on hysteria.

"Yeah, whatever you say," he held out his hand, and Hermione held out hers thinking they were to shake on it. Instead her pulled her to her feet and snaked his arm around her waist to support her weight.

"Thank you," she said, breathless. She felt comfortable and the thought made her heart speed up.

"Your welcome,"

A/N: sorry for the late update.

I hoped you liked the chapter and PLEASE do not forget to review.

Since this is my first story I need to know if I'm heading in the right direction or not.

Have a nice Thanksgiving!

-A

11-25-08


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story. All of it belongs to J.K. Rowling. The plot just popped into my head while I was reading DH.

**Chapter 6**

The snow fall was late that year but to Hermione it didn't matter because she was still able to watch it, something she wasn't so sure about last year. Her breath fogged up her view of the perfect snow drifting to the ground, it was a world of white that December day. The castle was decorated in icicles and trees were being put up, but in the hallway in which she sat, it was silent. Or at least it was.

"What're you thinking about?" she heard Draco ask behind her. She turned and beckoned him to sit on the other side of the ledge.

"Just look," she said, and pointed out the window.

"It's snow, what about it?" he asked, leaning back and crossing his arms, letting one leg dangle as the other stretched so it touched her knee.

"But what do you think about it?" she asked him. She curled her knees so she could rest her chin on it as she turned her attention to him. He looked peaceful.

"I think it's something I've seen hundreds of times." he said, his eyes closed.

"But what did you think of the snow last year?" he opened his eyes and met her gaze.

"I thought it was something many would not live to see again," he stated, but as a fact not opinion, making her frown.

"And now that we're both here, staring at the snow- what do you think now?"

"I think its…nice. But enough of me, what do you think of it now?" Hermione smiled at him, not noticing how he would stare at her each time she did that.

"I think its clean," she said. He looked at her quizzically.

"Clean?" he repeated.

"Yeah, purer somehow. I thought what you had, but I still hoped by some miracle I would be wrong, and that the next year would be different. Now that the miracle passed, doesn't it seem clean?"

"When you put it that way then I guess it could," he responded. "But right now, I'm hungry and you skipped lunch so you have to come to the kitchen with me." he stood up gracefully, offering her his hand. She glared, a spark of her old self returning to her eyes, before it was snuffed out as she put her hand in his.

To others the gesture might have been romantic, a sign of affection. But to them, it was a sign that they needed each other, it was a little life boat as they were surrounded by the deep depths of blue.

* * *

"Hey Hermione," Ginny greeted her as they walked to the Great Hall for dinner.

"Hello Ginny,"

"So whats up?" she asked.

"The sky," Hermione answered, getting an elbow from Ginny.

"You know what I mean,"

"Well, nothing much really," she said.

"Are you sure?" Ginny pressed. "You seem happier lately, anything you're not telling me?"

"What could I possibly be keeping from you?" Hermione asked, making her voice light as her hands tightened on her sleeves.

"Oh, I don't know... I just thought there might be something between you and a certain blonde." Ginny said, giving Hermione a heavy look.

"Draco?" she asked, shocked. "We're just friends, honestly Ginny. Can't I have guy friends with out all the innuendos?"

Ginny giggled, "Not if the guy's a gorgeous one," Hermione stared at Ginny, wide-eyed. An unexpected surge of jealousy hit her but faded just as quickly, the feeling puzzled her greatly.

"Oh come on, Mione. You must've noticed."

"No, I didn't." Hermione replied.

"Well if you say so..." she said in a tone that clearly meant I-don't-really-believe-you-but-whatever. They had reached the Great Hall and Hermione didn't really feel like eating anymore.

"I think I'll go to the library," she told Ginny,

"But you haven't even eaten yet!" she objected.

"I just remembered a book I'll need for my essay, don't worry- I had a big lunch earlier." Hermione lied.

"Alright... I'll see you around then," Ginny said. She walked over to Harry and Ron who had already started eating.

Turning away, she saw the certain blonde get up from his seat and walk toward her. She started walking back toward her rooms, knowing it wouldn't take long for him to catch up.

* * *

It was close to eleven now and the only thing to be heard in the Head's common room was the scratched of a quill.

"So what about Christmas?" Hermione asked Draco as they sat together doing homework.

"Mmm?" Draco asked, still writing his potions essay.

"I said what about Christmas?" Hermione had already finished her work and was just staring at him and the window alternately, helping him sometimes.

"What about it?" he asked. He pushed his parchment away so it could dry and relaxed in his chair.

"Well, its Christmas! Aren't you going to do anything for it?" she asked, shocked. They had gotten along much better now, like two strangers meeting for the first time. It was delicate, but growing into a strong friendship, and though they never really spoke of their problems their presence seemed to make the problems a distant speck.

"Christmas was never very fun for me." he replied. She cocked her head the side and he a smile tugged at his lips. "I had what most children dreamed of, twelve foot high trees, decorated with spheres of gold, silver, and gems. I had the mountain of gifts, every single thing I could want was there. But none of that was fun. Dinner was formal, controlled, and tense. Holiday cheer never really reached my family as it did with others. Every Christmas I felt like something was missing and when it was my first year here, it was when I first heard stories of a different type of Christmas. I became envious of what they had- not their presents, I could get that anytime- but they sounded like they had fun, I envied their family dinners, how when they spoke, love for their family and that time flowed from their voice. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, I've just never had a Christmas like theirs…happy's the right word I guess," he gave a forced laugh and looked at her.

"What?"

"Nothing," she answered slowly, weighing her words, "I was just wondering…you don't have to tell me…its just that one time when you…"

"Can you ask me already?" Draco interrupted. She smiled sheepishly.

"Did your father ever hurt you or your mother?" he didn't answer and she kept her gaze fixed on her quill, memorizing the design.

"Why do you ask?" he finally asked. He didn't sound angry or curious so she chanced a peak at him. His face was neutral.

"When I woke you up that one time, you asked 'did he hurt you?'…I don't know, I just got the impression someone was hurting your mother…" she trailed off feeling awkward, cursing herself for bringing up subjects that even he didn't bother her with.

"Oh, that," he said, she looked at him again to see that he looked pained, his eyes distant as they traveled back.

"Draco?" she asked him, carefully, she put her hand on his arm but he was too far in to feel it.

"He never hurt her, never!" he said forcefully. "They loved each other, the only thing they loved was family…and the Dark Lord knew that. So when I failed my task-" he winced when Hermione's grip had involuntarily tightened.

"Sorry," she said softly, he looked at her, not really seeing. "continue," she urged him. He turned his head to look out the window.

"When I failed…he wanted to punish me. Father tried to reason with him but there's no reasoning with the Dark Lord, he only got hurt- coming home with cracked ribs and twitching from over exposure to the curse…but when my mother went to him…he hurt her in my stead saying if she intervened one more time then he would kill me outright…poor mother, she left and I was punished. I tried not to scream, I knew mother would come straight back if I did. But I did scream and she came as expected. Only the Dark Lord didn't kill me as he promised…I don't really know what happened after that but I do know mother became his favorite example of discipline to the followers…" a silence fell on them and Hermione didn't feel the need to break it.

Instead she hugged him as he had hugged her so many times the past couple of months. He cried into her chest quietly, neither having to speak. As he did this Hermione was reminded of how similar this was to just a few weeks ago, only their roles were reversed.

"_Shh. Its okay," Draco had whispered to her as she cried without abandon into his sweater. Gently, he rocked her back and forth. "Just a dream," they were sitting on the couch where draco had found her screaming in her sleep._

"_I murdered all those people!" she cried._

"_It was a war, how did you expect it to go?" he asked, trying to get her to see reason. Her tears were making him feel terrible, whether he was the cause or not._

"_But I could- have just… I didn't have -to _kill_," he tears were making her hiccup, making her body shake even more._

"_Shh…" he soothed. "It was you or them, you know that," his words didn't seem to have any effect on her so he tightened his grip._

"_Frankly," he said, "I'm glad you're the one who's alive," she jerked back a bit, her expression horrified._

"_How can you say that!" she exclaimed, her voice hoarse. "You shouldn't be happy people are dead." she refused his effort to bring her closer to him, though the effort it cost her was great._

"_Well I don't think I would be able to feel for them as I feel for you," he said. She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, and was instantly caught in his gaze. Slowly, he kissed her. Nothing more than a brush of the lips, but it was enough for Hermione to forget their argument. Never had a kiss felt so real._

_Quickly she stood up, walking toward her room._

"_I- I think I'll just uhm go back and- and sleep now. Good night, Draco," she said, not turning around. She walked in and shut the door, not seeing the love and anguish on his face. Inside though, Hermione was sitting on the floor, leaning her head against the door, going over what happened._

_She had kissed other guys, sure. But none of them made her feel like how she had felt in the one second the kiss had lasted. Even Ron, who she had loved, hadn't made her feel like _this. _She felt hopeful, as if life had just begun. The thought scared her, she didn't know if this was love, lust, or just the need for comfort._

_She couldn't tell the difference anymore and she felt tears come to her eyes. Angrily, she dashed them away, rolling up he sleeves and fumbling for the knife under her mattress. As she had done so many times before, she held it just a whisper over her skin. Only this time, she was shaking. It didn't feel right, the other times, it was a release, a way of making herself strong. This was the first time she sought out its metallic comfort in weeks. Weeks filled with _him_. _

_With a yell, she threw the knife against the wall, knowing it would never break. Broken all over again, she cried herself to sleep, not bothering to cast a silencing charm._

"Shh. Its okay." she whispered. She laid her head on his, hugging him to her tightly.

"It'll never be okay," he said against her skin. She smoothed his hair away from his face causing him to look up.

"They love you, don't they?" she asked him. He gave the smallest of nods, his eyes bright.

"Then it's okay." she said firmly, "It'll always be okay,"

* * *

A/N: sooo sorry about the wait.

My sister just left and she is a computer-holic.

My updates should be more frequent now.

I really hope you liked this chapter and don't forget review are greatly appreciated.

-A

12-04-08

**A/N: I'm really sorry but i wont be able to update for a while.**

**two of my relatives have died**

**and its exam time**

**and i wont be in the state for the rest of the month.**

**I'm REALLY sorry. Happy holidays,**

**-A**

**12-14-08  
**


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